Venting

Warning: This post was written in a drunken fit of outrage and frustration. It may ramble an eentsy bit.

Recently, I took Little E to the doctor for his 18 month well-child checkup. The last several visits to the pediatrician have felt the doctor was distracted and rushed while examining him; forgetting to look in his ears, repeating the same instructions several times, leaving before giving me a promised referral, etc. I felt this distraction was in part due to Eliza being present and little unruly. And so, I made specifically made this appointment so Goose would be in preschool while Little E and I went in for our little party. This was a gamble because it meant Little E would be getting his all-important nap over 2 hours later than normal.

To give you an idea my timeline:

12:00 Goose starts preschool
(12:05 Little E's regular nap time)
12:15 Little E's appointment
2:15 MUST be leaving doctor to get Goose.
2:30 Goose ends preschool
2:31 Preschool inflicts $50 late pick-up fee

We arrived at the doctor's office a few minutes late. I was late mostly because the two complimentary parking spaces were taken and I had to search my car for change to pay the "honor box" for my parking space. I didn't have nearly enough for my supposed hour stay, even if I used all my loose pennies, so I stuffed in what silver I had and made a vow to return later in the week with the rest.

We were invited straight back to the exam room and asked to remove all of Little E's clothing for measurements. The nurse in this office is delightful and the visit had a promising start. And then we waited. And waited. And waited. Little E was more than antsy. I can't say that I blame him. If I were stripped naked, prodded and poked and then stuck in a room with all sorts of cool stuff (drawers, telephones,otoscope, sphygmomanometer , etc.) none of which I was allowed to touch, held prisoner until a doctor decides to grace me with a visit, I'd be a little cranky too.

It was 1:30 and I still hadn't seen the doctor; I was getting nervous. Uncharacteristically, I popped my head out and apprised the receptionist of my situation. She seemed surprised that I might have other commitments to which needed attending and promised to relay the message to the nurse. As a preventive measure I called my friend and made arrangements for her to "claim" Goose from the teacher until I arrived. Ten minutes went by and still no doctor. Again, I mustered all my assertiveness and spoke to the nurse. She was also surprised to know I was under time constraints (apparently the receptionist passed on that message post haste) and assured me I was next in line and told me she would tell the doctor that I needed to go. The stress of the time constraint coupled with the effort needed by me to speak up cause me to break into muffled tears when I retreated once more into the exam room.

1:45 - The doctor arrived. I tried to make the visit go as efficiently as possible, listing my concerns in a metered voice. When I got to the blue lips after eating, a phenomenon that was not a frequent occurrence, but still enigmatic, the doctor's eyes got wide and she said out-loud, but half to herself, "now when did I first hear that heart murmur.

Now, I know that most heart murmurs are nothing to get your panties in a twist over, but sheesh! Are you telling me that you heard a heart murmur in my son for 18 months (and yes, she first heard it at 8 days old), found it significant to note each time and yet failed to mention it to me even once? Even with the caveat that it was nothing to worry about? I had seen these blue lips on and off since Little E was about 4 months, but having no corroborating evidence of heart issues took no thought to mention it to the doctor. Had this doctor had a little more faith in me as a reasonable and well-educated scientist, this would not have been playing out as it was. Besides, why should I be unreasonably concerned? My boy runs, is never out of breath, and is growing like a weed. How am I, as my child's number one advocate supposed to make appropriate health care decisions if my doctor is withholding information from me because she thinks I will "freak-out" over it? A thing, by the way, she should know I am not prone to do after observing my reactions to Goose requiring surgery at 6 months. Do I not have a right to all the doctors findings and not only the ones she deems appropriate to share with me, especially considering I am in effect employing her to do so?

(As a post note, we were sent to a cardiologist - who asked why we were not sent to him 18 months ago - and who assured me there was nothing to be concerned about....at least until Little E is a Great Big E and nearing retirement. No doubt noting my cool demeanor, the cardiologist asked me if it was my concern or the doctor's that brought us in - It's my goofy doctor. )

Having no time, nor assertiveness, left to express any of these feelings to the doctor, I exited stage left. To add to my sunny afternoon, I had received a parking "ticket" from the lot attendant. Apparently, my tires were just over the line and it had gone on my permanent record.

Jimmy-John called and I took my finger out of the dike. Angry and exhausted, my emotion flowed uninhibited across the airwaves. I recounted every excruciating detail of our 2 hour check-up, "...AND I'm not going to get Goose in time...." I cried. "Oh, well, I'm home," he said, "do you want me to walk over and get her?" Sigh..at least one thing went right.

I know some of you are going to ask if I've changed doctors yet. The answer is no. Despite this not being the first time I've been asked to wait inordinate amounts of time. Despite the quick and seemingly abbreviated exams. Despite the withholding pertinent medical information. The reason? Well, I have to admit that one of the reasons is that I'm embarrassed to tell her exactly why I'm leaving, which I would feel compelled to do under the circumstances. But mostly, I'm not sure I can find any doctor out there that won't be just exactly the same in those areas. And from the past conversations I have had with this doctor, I know she cares about her patients, she's well-trained, and uncompromising when she feels strongly about an issue. She's also well connected in the local medical community, which makes getting good referrals, when needed, a breeze. And so, for now, I am just thankful that, barring sick visits, we won't have to endure this again for another six months.